Trick or Treat
by mnemosyne23
Summary: Halloween foof! It's Halloween, and River spreads the festive cheer to the rest of the Serenity crew in her own unique way. All characters, all major 'ships, no Serenity spoilers.


**TITLE:** Trick or Treat  
**AUTHOR:** Mnemosyne 

**Disclaimer:** Not mine!  
**SUMMARY:** Halloween foof! It's Halloween, and River spreads the festive cheer to the rest of the _Serenity_ crew in her own unique way.  
**RATING:** PG  
**CHARACTERS:** Everyone, with 'shippiness! M/I, S/K, Z/W, and R/J  
**SPOILERS:** None, except for the series, and do those even count as spoilers anymore?  
**NOTES:**  
Written in response toa Halloween challenge on the Rayne 'shippersLJ community. This is more River-centric, but there's a taste of Rayne! I hope you enjoy:)

* * *

River had been collecting the goodies for months, cobbling together shiny knick knacks and colorful doodads on every backwater planet and moon they'd stop at overnight. She had a neat little basketful now, just in time for the crowning day.

The Captain was first, as in all things.

_Tip tap!_ A pair of short raps on his bunkroom door. She heard him muttering inside, followed by staggering footsteps as he made his way to the hatch. "Whaddaya want?" he asked around a yawn, scratching his tousled head as he stared up at her through the hole in the floor. She'd woken him apparently.

"Trick or treat," she said sunnily from where she knelt on the floor grates above.

Mal frowned at her as if she'd grown a second head, and then a third one besides. "Come again, little witch?"

"Trick or treat?" She showed him the basket she carried. "You may be tricked or you may be treated, but be forewarned the girl is known for wicked trickery."

Mal blinked at her. "Uh... treat?'

Another bright smile as she delved a hand into the basket and came up with a splintered piece of board that looked like it had been ripped off the side of a shipping crate. This was reasonable, since that was precisely what it was. Written across it in blocky stencil letters was the word _MAL_; it looked like it had been part of a longer word once, but the rest had been discarded. "What, if I may ask, is this?" Mal asked, turning the bit of board around in his hands as if looking for a secret compartment.

"Mal, the Latin for bad," she told him with a firm nod. "A Mal for the much maligned malcontent." She reached down to pat him on the head. "The girl took it from the purplebellies when they were looking at their toes, trying to remember how to walk."

Mal gave her a cocky grin. "You sayin' you nicked this off a Alliance crate, girl?" he asked, eyes twinkling.

River nodded.

"Well I'll be damned," he said, and chuckled. "Best damn treat I ever did get, River, no mistake." He looked over his shoulder, eyes searching his room. "Don't think I got anythin' here to return the favor."

River gave him another bright smile. "No recompense is necessary," she told him. "The girl is well done by."

"And I'm sure you gotta clear idea what that means, even iffen I don't gotta clue what it is you just said," Mal affirmed. He raised the bit of wood to her in salute. "Cheers, little witch."

"Happy Halloween, Captain Mal."

"Hey, you gonna tell me what the rest of the word said?"

"Not for the girl to divulge," she said with a shake of her head. "But missing pieces always come home to roost."

Mal chuckled. "Whatever you say, girl."

-------------------

Next came Zoe and Wash, the number two and her number one. "Trick or treat," River said happily, kneeling on the grate above their door.

"It's Halloween?" Wash said, looking mortified. "Honey, you didn't remind me! And I was going to do the bloody cleaver in the soup thing this year."

"You do that every year, husband."

"And you love it every time."

"I love the man who does it," Zoe said, the hint of a smile touching her lips. "Does that count?"

Wash beamed at his wife. "Better than candy." He paused, thought, then added, "Well, okay, maybe not better than candy. Better than a little bag full of pennies. I mean, what's the point of dressing up like a goblin when all they give you is their loose change?"

River laughed. Wash always made her laugh. He always made Zoe laugh, too, which was no mean feat, and worthy of commemoration. "Treat, treat!" she crowed, not bothering to let them choose. Rifling through her basket, she withdrew two items. One was a shiny plastic crown, which she dropped on Zoe's chestnut brown ringlets. "The queen," River intoned majestically, before turning to Wash and plopping another hat on his head: a dual-lobed jester's cap, complete with little bells. "And her fool."

Wash beamed at Zoe. "I'm a fool for love!"

Zoe rolled her eyes, but she was grinning. "That was a horrible pun, lover."

"I'd be a fool to disagree with you."

"You're going to make me kiss you so you'll stop, aren't you?"

"Don't be foolish!"

River giggled and left them alone.

-----------------------

Next came the Shepard, hardest of all.

"Trick or treat!" River chirped, holding out her basket as he opened the door to his guest quarters.

"River, what a pleasant surprise," the preacher said with a gentle smile. "I had forgotten completely it was Halloween."

"Easily done," she concurred with a solemn nod. "Your thoughts get twisted and lost in the bushel basket of your hair. You do your brain a disservice, making it work so hard to navigate the maze."

Book gave her an indulgent smile. "I've told you, River, it's necessary for my order. It represents my faith."

"Do you plait it into a nativity for the Christmas season?"

"Don't be patronizing, child."

"Apologies."

"Accepted." He smiled again and gestured for her to come in. "Would you like to sit down? I was about to make some tea."

River bit her lip. She was always nervous around the shepard's quarters. After all, his _hair_ lived there, too, when it wasn't roaming the ship, feasting on small, furry, space-dwelling creatures and pursuing an erstwhile life of crime. "Trick or treat!" she said again, for lack of a better answer.

"Oh, right!" Book chuckled. "I'd forgotten!"

_The hair! The hair!_ River filled in silently, but kept her mouth shut and simply smiled at him.

"I think I'll pick treat," Book said with a quick nod. Then added, with a twinkle in his eye, "I'm rather afraid to know what you'd do as a trick."

River beamed and fished around in the rapidly-emptying basket. After a second she withdrew a small, careworn book. "She knows it seems odd, a Christian book on a pagan holiday," she said, resting the Bible in the preacher's hands. "But clean pages were needed." She patted the weatherbeaten leather cover. "It has been loved." She smiled at him.

Book's answering smile was warm as mulled cider. "Thank you, River," he said, closing the book between his nut brown hands. "It's very much appreciated."

She bobbed a quick curtsy, pecked him on the cheek, gave his hair a wary glance, then scampered off to find Simon.

-----------------------------------

Kaylee was with him, which was all to plan. It wouldn't do, them disrupting the plan. She was glad they'd chosen to play their parts, even if they didn't know they had a part to play.

"Trick or treat!" she trilled, poking her head into Simon's guest quarters. Her brother was sitting up on the bed, Kaylee stretched out beside him with her head in his lap as he read to her from _Much Ado About Nothing_.

"Hiya, River!" Kaylee exclaimed, rolling onto her stomach and waving at the other girl. "Simon here's jus' been readin' me the prettiest story 'bout... Well, I don't much know what it's about, but it's prettier'n anything I ever did hear before."

"Do you need something, River?" Simon asked, all brotherly concern, though River noticed how he laid his hand on Kaylee's autumn hair. "Is everything all right? Are you feeling sick?"

River rolled her eyes. "Trick or _treat_," she repeated, stepping fully into the room and shaking her basket at them.

Kaylee's face fell. "Aww, River, I'm sorry," she said. "I don't got anything to give you."

River giggled. "Tricks and treats are the sole purview of the girl, to be distributed per annum in a coordinated fashion." She held the basket up again. "May I suggest treat?"

Kaylee beamed. "Don't know what you jus' said, River, but I'll pick treat."

River grinned and reached into the basket, removing a small roll of paper tied with a purple bow. Holding it out to Kaylee, she said, "Give the pretty lady a kewpie doll."

Kaylee gave the other girl a confused smile, but clambered up onto her knees to take the tiny scroll. "Ooh, ain't this ribbon just the softest thing!" she enthused, carefully tucking it away in a pocket of her coveralls before unrolling the scrap of paper.

It read, _Ask Simon what Auntie Isabel said about the birthmark on the inside of his thigh._

Kaylee looked up and giggled. River giggled back. Kaylee nodded to the paper. River nodded to Kaylee. Kaylee giggled more. River giggled back.

"Why do I feel like I'm missing a joke here?" Simon asked.

"Because you are," River told him matter-of-factly. "And you want a treat."

"I'm sure I do."

Eyes twinkling, River moved towards the bed. Leaning forward, she took Kaylee's hand and placed it gently against her brother's cheek. "Happy Halloween," she said with a soft smile.

Simon just blinked at her and didn't know what to say.

River glanced at Kaylee, saw Kaylee gazing at Simon, and smiled a little wider.

Standing up, she tiptoed back to the door. As she locked it behind her, she could just hear Kaylee say, "So, what's this I hear about a birthmark on your thigh?"

-------------------

Next came Inara, and she was easy as pie.

"Why thank you, River," the Companion said with admirable equanimity. "I haven't been trick or treating in... well, several years. I appreciate the sentiment."

River nodded to the bit of splintered board the other woman held. It looked like it had been ripped off the side of a shipping crate. This was reasonable, since that was precisely what it was. Written across it in blocky stencil letters was the word _ARIA_; it looked like it had been part of a longer word once, but the rest had been discarded. "For the pretty lady who sings all alone," she said. "She lives in a sumptuous palace surrounded by suitors, but yearns for her one true love."

River had always wondered if it was possible for Companions to blush; really blush. She got her answer as she saw the older woman's cheeks turn pink. "Thank you, River," she said again, and this time sounded like she meant it. "I'll put it in a place of honor."

"Above the bed."

Inara laughed. "Maybe."

River nodded, satisfied, then turned to leave.

"Wait!" Inara called before she could go. River looked over her shoulder. "Can you tell me what the rest of the word was?"

River gave her an indulgent smile. "Not for the girl to divulge," she said. "But missing pieces always come home to roost."

It was true, after a fashion. And in the end, it isn't really the words that are important. It's all about how they're said. And more importantly, who says them.

-----------------

Jayne was last; surly, burly Jayne. She knocked on his bunk hatch and hummed as she waited.

"What?" he demanded as he pulled down the ladder.

River gave him a radiant smile. "Trick or treat?" she asked.

Jayne glared up at her, dark eyes shadowed.

Then grinned.

"Trick," he growled, and held up his hands for her.

"Trick," River purred, dangling her feet over the edge and dropping down into his arms.

"Uh uh," Jayne said, shaking his head as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he batten ed down the hatch. "For you, baby girl, 'sgonna be a treat."

Back up in the hallway, the basket was empty.

**THE END**


End file.
